…the burden of grief/sorrow is heavy…

I start by acknowledging and honoring everyone who has supported Bee and me.

This is when Bee first entered our lives. The girls bonded immediately.
This was the start of what would prove to be a bond that would last a lifetime.

Since the transition of Jannali, Bee and I have been attempting to navigate through the pain/grief.  We live in a constant state of sorrow, with moments of strength, and times of deep despair sprinkled in.

In moments of strength, I try to focus on healthy ways to move forward.

My Birthday was August 6…there was an astrological event surrounding August 8.  The Lionsgate Portal.  This Portal is surrounded by a lot of mystery.  I resonated around this mystic energy, as a Leo.  The astrological side…the Sun is moving into the sign Leo.  Peak of Leo season.  The other side of the astrology is Sirius rising.  Many ancient cultures revered this time.  The Mayans, Egyptians, and Babylonians just to name a few.  In Egyptian culture because the rising of Sirius coincided with the rains/wet season/flooding of the Nile which led to time of abundance.  The Great Sphinx was built facing the rising of Sirius and positioned in relation to the Sun in Leo.  Very intentional.  In a mystical way…Sirius rising is a gateway to the heavens, our “Spiritual Sun”.  Helping us to advance our consciousness.  Shining a light on our authentic self.  The numerology side…8/8. If you turn the number 8 on it’s side, it is the sign of infinity.  It is also related to DNA.  Chromosome 8 spans about 145 million base pairs, the building material of DNA.  About 8% of its genes are involved in brain development and function, therefore, it helps us to absorb the energy offered to our DNA.  Setting intention is important to ritual.  This energy helps us to open our heart Chakra, connect with loved one’s who have transitioned, opening of the third eye…tuning in and connecting.

I have started a new path of studying Kundalini.  I’ve embarked on a 6 month journey of awakening my energy channels within, along with psychic centers or Chakras.  It’s a practice of yoga using chanting/sound/vibration to awaken the dormant energy at the base of our spine.  It’s been so wonderful.  The course started on July 28th.  I didn’t think I was prepared to make this commitment nor would my finances support it.  However, I was really drawn to my teacher, Raja Choudhury.  I thought maybe next year…The course kept crossing my path with emails of last chances to sign up.  Alas, I knew I couldn’t afford it.  Then I got an email sts scholarships are still available for this course.  I wasn’t aware that scholarships were offered for this course.  I began to think, Perhaps this is a sign from the Universe.  As I struggle with my grieving process, perhaps this is just what I need to commit to in order to heal and move forward.  I applied and was awarded the scholarship!  I joined the course in the third class.  Classes are every Tuesday, except for a few weeks off.  This coming week is one of those weeks off.  Again, I think the Universe is helping me as I can use this week to catch up to the rest of the class in time for next Tuesday.  I’m so Grateful and feeling positive about this new journey.

I’ve started back to exercising daily with multiple activities.  Riding my elliptical (I confess there was a time I was “addicted” to riding it), working on my Pilates chair, resistance bands, stretching, trampoline, weighted hula hoop, and jump-rope…it does feel good to get back to it all.  It also helps that Lauren is doing it with me.  We encourage/support each other.  Setting us both up for success.

Bee and I are going on more outings.  Doing “something fun” everyday like we used to with Nali.  Bee is making visible strides in overcoming her sadness.  She is not a “solo” girl.  She relied so much on the “Big Dog” for confidence and support.  Poor Bee finds it hard to be the first to lead the team down the stairs when we all go to workout.  She still struggles, but with everyday I can notice her moments of strength becoming more frequent.

It’s the times of deep despair that weigh so heavily on us both.  Times that I find it hard to get out of bed.  We just snuggle and I cry all day.  I hope that I can get to the place where memories always take me to a happy place.  Sometimes the memories just break my heart.  Nali filled my heart and her happiness ruled my life.  I miss her so deeply. Sometimes thinking of her absence is fuel for despair…my intention is with my new path, memories will fuel that “wholeness” my heart so desperately needs to feel again.  Until then, I will be gentle with myself, allowing the process, crying and cleansing, making the space for my Kundalini to awaken and flow.

…SENDING MANY BLESSINGS OF GRATITUDE TO FRIENDS/FAMILY/SUPPORTERS …

Bee and I don’t have the strength without you all…Thank You!