…What do you think?

As we begin the year of the Wood Snake, I’m reminded of the power of our minds.

My last post r/t the year of the Dragon, I opened the discussion of “transitioning” and what that means to you. Now, I invite you to explore what the word “death” means to you.

A reminder that the word “transitioning”, as it relates to Hospice, references a time when death is near, the initial stage of dying. Death occurs in stages/phases. Any change is a death; therefore, happens in phases. Oxford Languages defines the word “phase” as a distinct period or stage of events or a process of change or development: in the topic of physics; to adjust the phase of something, especially so as to synchronize it with something else.

In my journey of death work, I’ve been exploring “What happens when we die?” Physical body death is visible, what happens to our spirit/energy force? Science teaches us that our brain waves are rhythmic fluctuations/repetitive patterns of neural activity in our central nervous system. When we are in our state of awakeness, most people are in Beta impulse. Some Gamma waves. They are both associated with high state of cognitive activity. Slow waves are Theta and Delta. I’m going to focus on the Theta wave and it’s correlation with death for purpose of this post.

Theta waves, 4-8Hz, characteristics include states of inward focus/deep relaxation. Various regions of the brain do not emit the same brain wave frequency simultaneously. Brain wave patterns are unique for every individual. If they are suppressed , anxiety, poor emotional awareness, and stress is apparent. If honored/acknowledged, they have benefits of supporting our intuition, creativity, and connecting us to nature. We are all nature beings. Death is the only commonality for ALL nature beings. It’s also the only action that we experience and “can’t” come back and share what happens. It’s the ultimate “unknown”, hence bringing up fear in people.

The elemental stages of death are simply described:

Earth; loosing our grounding/falling/impaired walking. Water; crying/increased incontinence/increased release of fluids. Fire; agitation/feeling of “being stuck in our skin”/trying to get up when unable to. Air; hallucinations/breathing changes/end of life.

In my work, I go deeper into each stage. Everyone’s end of life(EOL) journey is specific to that person. Layered by multiple aspects, including their individual development/growth during their time in this human experience, and diseases. Therefore, even as the stages flow consecutively, depth of each experience in that stage, overlapping of stages, and time spent in each stage varies for each person.

I recently worked with a science teacher. He expressed fear, not wanting to be a burden to his family, and dying peacefully. We discussed brain waves and the science of the topics. When we are in Theta wave, it’s most recognizably described as the state when we are not completely awake, and not yet asleep. It’s the level of awareness we all experience as we are falling asleep. The “in-between” phase. In physics, it may be considered as the phase to synchronize our spirit/soul/energy with something. Whatever we call the higher “something” most of us believe in. We agreed I would pay close attention to his EOL journey and record my observations. An experiment, if you will, surrounding gathering more information on the death experience. My observations include; speaking about death in his love language of science eased his fear, he died before he became a burden (as defined by him, NOT, his family), and he died peacefully in his sleep. Our hypothesis was, Are we able to control our own death…my conclusion is, to a certain extent, “YES”.

It’s interesting to me how diving into the deep end of death, is guiding me to live my life with a different perspective. Tibetan Buddhists practice dying everyday. The Tibetan Book of the Dead, The Bardo Thodol, provides a philosophy about life and death that resonates with people of many different beliefs. If you are interested in death, supporting a loved one on their EOL journey, or have lost the physical presence of loved one and struggling to navigate the grief, I encourage you to look into this book.

As this work pushes me with curiosity, open mindedness, and glimmers of a deeper understanding, I’m grateful for the magnificent shift of energy the Year of the Wood Snake brings. Remember; any change is a death. Speaking of deaths in and during our human experience, I’m currently experiencing a death in this phase of my journey. I’m focused on manifesting BOLD changes. I’m pushing through my fears, accomplishing short term goals, and practicing gratitude for where I am emotionally/spiritually. Honoring my authentic self and acknowledging the process of grieving this death. I’ll write more about navigating grief in a future post.

Bee and I are taking meaningful action with mindful consideration towards our next phase. The Year of the Snake serves transformation through shedding of the old skin/patterns that no longer serve our growth. Opening to a deeper wisdom, growth, and change. It takes courage to push through vulnerability and fear. Today is Full Moon in Leo. I’m a Leo! I’m blessed to have a close circle of support to remind me that I am courageous and emotionally intelligent. I’m currently developing a workshop on death. I’ll discuss some of the topics brought up in this post, navigating grief, and rituals/ceremonies. Please comment/contact me if your interested in learning more about death and how it r/t life.

In closing; Death is a commonality for us all. We all experience multiple deaths throughout our lives and inevitably physical death. The way we live our lives appears to reflect in our death. “The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life” -E. Perel. I remember asking a few friends of varying ages “What does success mean to you?”. The response from my younger friends (ages late 20’s-30’s) surrounded money, response from my middle aged friends (ages 40’s-50’s) surrounded exploration of life’s purpose, and response from older friends (ages 60’s-70’s) surrounded relationships. Isn’t that interesting?!…

...a big word, what does it mean to you?

“Changing or evolving into a different form or pattern.”

“Leaning into new and uncomfortable seasons of life with curiosity and hope”

“Moving from one thing to another or adaptations/changes in moving forward”

“Shifting”

“Pivoting and taking a different direction”

“…adjusting to a move or moving somewhere”

These are some of the meanings my friends shared with me. As a hospice nurse, the word transitioning is the first stage of dying. In my belief there needs to be a death before there can be a rebirth/renewal. The general thought I get from the shared definitions is transitioning is a death of a form/pattern and positive movement toward shifting perception.

As I develop my process for navigating transition, in my own life, I’m learning to lean into to scary darkness. When I am confronted with difficult emotions that challenge my authentic self, it’s complicated and hard to do the work to make the choices that honor my authentic self.

Tending boundaries is a lifelong work. I lost sight of a few boundaries in my life. Boundaries can go both ways. Giving out too much, and allowing the “outside” to influence choices; therefore, adjusting behaviors to adapt to the outside influence. How many of us have made choices based on what makes other people happy/comfortable, what other people think we should choose/do, what other people would choose/do for themselves, or what social norms have conditioned us to believe “is what you’re supposed to do”? Making authentic self choices takes hard work. The work includes honest reflection. It’s challenging to hear things that don’t align with current perceptions. This is where having a trusted person to create a safe/non-judgmental space to talk about hard things is crucial to my process. Watching loved ones figuring out what their process is, compartmentalizing their authentic self to adopt a completely different POV, lowering their standards to meet others, and struggling with the dichotomy; Once open minded, curious, interesting, and fun; now close minded, argumentative, and defensive. Wanting to have those difficult conversations when they aren’t ready is a boundary I’ve reset. Not everyone has the same process. I also acknowledge that we all learn life lessons in different ways at different times. I’ve circled back to focusing my energy on my process. Reflecting my love and light on my intention. There is a calmness and meaningfulness surrounding my own progress encouraging others to face their fears. What are you afraid of?

Sometimes it’s a supportive community that provides the space to share authentic self reflections. I’ve crossed paths with a wonderful group of women that I feel a connection to. The facilitator is Eka Kapiotis. Also this year I will be circling back to the positivity felt by community at Camp Miniwanca on Lake Michigan, this Summer. Surrounding myself with people who are forward moving, doing the work, and supportive while doing it. I feel seen, valued, and empowered. Feeling the flow!! I’m going to ride this wave to the next phase in my life. Transitioning…

My herbal school just had a workshop on herbs to help with hospice care. It got me thinking about looking into a death doula…

What is the role of a death doula?

End-of-life doulas provide companionship, comfort, and guidance to those facing a terminal illness or death. Non-medical holistic support encompasses emotional, spiritual, and practical care. As I’m researching pursuing this role, I’m enlightened to the full circle. In preparing people and loved ones for a good death, it shines light on life in this world. An empowering shift in perception.

The year of the Dragon is upon us. In Chinese culture, the Dragon holds a significant place as an auspicious and extraordinary creature, unparalleled in talent and excellence. It symbolizes power, nobility, honor, luck, and success. 2024 is forecasted to bring about opportunities, changes, and challenges.

Emily Guenther describes the year of the dragon…

2024 is the Year of the Wood Dragon in Chinese astrology. Chinese astrology is a traditional classification system based on the Chinese calendar that assigns an animal and its attributes to each year. The Chinese 12-part cycle corresponds to lunar years, rather than months. The Chinese zodiac is represented by 12 animals and their elements. Chinese mythology states that the Jade Emperor set up a running race for all animals to take part in. The first 12 to reach the finishing line were rewarded with a position in the lunar calendar.

In Chinese astrology, the 12 zodiac animals are each affiliated with an element — metal, wood, water, fire, earth — as they move around the zodiac cycle. When an animal reappears after 12 years its elemental affiliation will shift. For example, 2012 was the Year of the Water Dragon and 2036 will be the Year of the Fire Dragon. The dragon is the only mythological animal in this system.

In this zodiac system, wood as an element represents vitality and creativity, as well as steadiness, honesty, generosity, and calmness. The dragon represents success, intelligence, and honor in Chinese culture. The dragon is a symbol of power and wealth. Only Chinese emperors were allowed to wear imperial robes with dragon symbols. Therefore, dragons are seen as natural leaders. They can also be aggressive, ambitious, self-confident, and determined.

Bee and I are currently working towards transitioning back to stationary life. Achievable goal is to purchase our dream farm in October. I am excited for the possibilities. Looking forward to growing my own apothecary, vegetable garden, canning/preserving food, having space to do my herbal thing, chickens, goats, and living as self sustainably as possible. Bringing all my life experience, willingness to do the hard work, and curiosity to create the life that Bee and I are manifesting. Symbolic that there is a death of our nomadic life for a rebirth/renewal of our stationary life. Using all the energy of the year of the wood dragon, supportive community, and continued self care to manifest our next phase of life.

What transformations do you look forward to making this year? What dreams do you want to manifest using the strength and courage of the year of the wood dragon energy?

Sending Blessings to you all to remind you of your strength, make bold moves, and claim your power to make choices that align with your authentic self. I’m very grateful for everyone continuing to follow us. I realize I haven’t posted in some time, however, I will continue to share my process as long as people find it valuable. I was really struggling with an existential crisis turmoil this past year and have been leaning into the deep darkness. Using my Kundalini mediation, solitude in nature, and painful self reflections as self care for processing. I am a solitary navigator until I can identify/organize my emotions/feelings; therefore leading to the next step of processing those emotions/feelings. Staying mindful that deep work leads to deep enlightenment.

Peace and Light

I like to say “The Universe is helping…”, another friend of mine says “The Universe is presenting a situation…”, my overall translation is that the events/situations that occur in our lives carry a neutral energy with the potential to change vibration in accordance to our perception.

In other words, if we approach the situation with a perception of “why does this always happen to me?, why do these things keep happening …? I can’t believe this is happening again…” all the things that we say to ourselves when we are in a mindset of negative energy. We feel in some way that the Universe is out to get us. How many people have felt this way? I know I have. The negativity will keep repeating until we break that cycle and learn to do something different.

The challenge is to shift perception to “what is the Universe trying to teach me?, How can I learn from what is happening?, what is the action to take to move forward in my growth/enrichment?…” This shifting of perception is the WORK! Taking leadership of the mindfulness that it takes in order to follow through with this shift in perception leads to the empowerment to integrate this approach in our authentic self reaction.

Shifting perception to “The Universe is helping us” guides us to what we need to work on or where we should focus our action behind intention, supporting our holistic health. The Law of Attraction is real! When we focus a positive energy/light on our approach, we attract that light to us. On the flip side, when we focus a negative energy/darkness on our approach we attract that darkness. Make sense?

Our holistic health is a synergy of our mind, body, and spirit. When there is a disconnect between the 3, symptoms will present in one, two, or all three of these aspects. For example, when we need to work on our emotional side, it might present as a physical body pain. Or when we need to work on our physical body health, it might present as emotional and/or spiritual fatigue. Many different layers to complicate things. When things are complicated, it often leads to feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and fatigued. Leaving us feeling as if we don’t have anything left to give.

Reflecting honestly on our own holistic health and wanting to grow is an important first step to transforming our perception. Having a non judgmental, supportive person to help navigate the process is a key to encouraging positive outcomes. Creating a safe space for honest reflection is an action that can encourage self growth.

If you have been following along with our journey, reading my blog, or having meaningful conversation, I encourage you to reflect on the mindfulness in past posts and how that might influence your own journey.

It’s been about a year since my last post. Wow! I didn’t realize it had been that long until a dear friend mentioned “when are you going to write another post…” So here is what has been happening on our journey …

We spent last Summer in New Hampshire. I worked at a wilderness camp that was also a working farm. We had a dairy cow, made our own yogurt. We had chickens, vegetable gardens, herb gardens, so many blueberry bushes, rain water collection systems, composting stations with “rotisserie” barrels, composting toilets, solar panels. It was a wonderful lesson in farm to table/self sustainable farm living. Here are some pictures from our time at Kroka Expeditions.

I tried to post videos, however, WordPress has changed it’s publishing. I need to upgrade my plan in order to post videos. I’m not financially prepared to upgrade right now so here are some pictures from around the farm. I’ll post the videos on my Instagram (gypsywildhealer) and hopefully post videos here on my next blog post.

Here are some pictures of Bee and I exploring New Hampshire…(also video to follow at a later time)

I’ve also been working on my herbalist path. I am currently in product development for a skin salve for eczema. My Dad volunteered to be my test subject for this trial. He has eczema on his back. Here are the before and after pictures of the first trial…

He said that after using my salve, his back feels the best it has ever felt. I’m amazed by these results! So grateful I could give him the relief of a lifetime!

I’ve also been teaching some wilderness first aid courses at Princeton, New Jersey and Philly Outward Bound…

The newest development in my alignment relates to financial foundation. I’ve accepted a position as a home hospice nurse. I will be starting the end of March. I have tried to piece together all my interests to create an income situation that shoulders our financial burden; however, a drastic imbalance has forced me to shift my perception, pushing through my nurse burnout. I’ve always felt that we all should be in control of our own death. As you might remember from my blog post about my beloved Jannali’s euthanasia, I’ve written many papers in nursing school about a “good death”. Also layering the spiritual belief that there needs to be death in order to have rebirth. The renewal that Spring brings aligns with where I am in my holistic wellness. I feel supported by nature and the time of year. I’ve meditated on going back to “bedside” nursing for quite sometime. I’m feeling aligned with this decision and look forward to riding the wave of momentum that peace of mind provides while nurturing my interests and considering my boundaries. I don’t want to undo all the work I have done to come out on the other side of my nurse burnout. All the energies that have presented surrounding this move seem to be providing purpose and mindfulness.

I would like to shine a light of gratitude on everyone who follows along and supports our journey. Bee and I are feeling blessed.

Society teaches us what we “should” do, how we “should” react, and how we “should” feel. It just happens as we grow up. However, with encouragement of our parents, family, and friends around us, we can gain the courage to do/react/feel how our authentic self genuinely guides us. This is our individual path, journey through this life.

In recent conversations with dear friends, the phrase “…I know I shouldn’t feel this way…” or “…I’m not a ___ , but…” and then they go on to describe how they feel and it IS what they prefaced saying they weren’t. Having a friend that can give honest reflection feedback is essential to building the courage to face our own shadow self; therefore challenging societies teachings. It’s challenging to reflect honestly, on ourselves. And then when we are shown that honesty, we tend to fill ourselves with guilt for not aligning with societies teachings. Or force ourselves to align with societies teachings, pushing down our authentic self, resulting in disingenuous results. These reactions stunt our growth as individuals. Eventually we lose insight to who our AUTHENTIC SELF is!

As we continued with our discussions, we started the process of navigating through those parts of the shadow self, in hopes of bringing it back into the light. When I asked my friends, “What do you LIKE to do?” the response is mostly “I don’t know anymore.”, or a “thoughtful, blank stare” followed by “nothing”. We go back through memories in order to start the process of figuring it out. We all have experiences in our past that prepare us to move forward. However, if we lose sight of what we HAVE or don’t learn life lessons as they present, we can’t move forward; just “spinning our wheels” repeating the lesson over and over. It’s similar to trying to finish a puzzle, in the dark, when some of the pieces are on the floor and lost/forgotten. Then just sitting in the dark with the puzzle in front of us, just staring at it, wondering how to fill the missing pieces/empty space.

Now that I’ve had the opportunity to circle back to working in the restaurant business. It reminded me of where I was, what I have, and how I changed my vibration. Living life as a nomad has it’s struggles, stressors, and uncertainty. However, using tools of problem solving, critical thinking, and “out of the box” thinking has enriched my authentic self, giving me the courage to keep going. I was also reminded of how I was “stuck on the track of my misery” in a job I hated, spending my life in survival mode. It’s hard to change that vibration once you just accept it, suffer, compromise happiness. It’s complicated by having human children to consider. The entire shift doesn’t happen overnight, it’s constantly challenged with obstacles. Then starts the cycle of facing these seemingly HUGE obstacles with nothing but exhaustion. The exhaustion from survival mode. Then comes excuses/all the reasons “why” you can’t make changes. Frankly, we’re just too tired to fight. The “spinning of wheels”/cycle continues… My hope is I can shine a light that reminds everyone reading this, to challenge themselves, make hard choices, do the work of navigating through the shadow self, as this work rewards you with the Bliss we ALL deserve in this life.

Looking deep within ourselves, shining a light on what we have, helps to give us a Balance to our lives. A balance between shadow self and authentic self. Sometimes this means making hard choices, going with the “unpopular” choice.

…Sending Blessings of Love and Light to everyone. May you all feel the love that gives you the courage to reflect honestly, honor your strength, and shine a light on those pieces …

Some exciting news to share, but first let’s catch up…

When I first started writing this blog, it was a way for family/friends to keep track of our travels, know that we were safe. It’s organically transitioned into a resource for so many to navigate their own process, self growth, and life enrichment. I’m so very grateful for everyone who follows along, shares their thoughts/stories with me, gives me feedback with how valuable reading this blog is to them. I know it’s helpful for me to share my vulnerability, process, and ultimately the life lessons learned (or not), and how I come out on the other side. All of these give meaning and purpose for me to keep writing/sharing…I went back to my first post and read all of them again, in order, up to this one. It was a powerful reflection of how far we’ve come, things we’ve done/seen, and a common thread of mindfulness that weaves it’s way throughout our journey.

As our journey continues, Bee and I had a tire blowout, on the camper, during our trip home from Michigan.

If it was bound to happen, we had the best scenario… We were driving along and all of a sudden we heard something. Looked around, “was that us?” I asked Bee. I could see a young couple driving a U-Haul truck in my side mirror. They turned on their hazard lights. That’s when I saw the bits of tire and tread flying off the side of our camper. I was able to pull over safely, no other motorists were impacted. I have AAA, thanks “Santa”, called them and within an hour we were back on the road. Arrived back to Base Camp safe/sound, and feeling so grateful.

Taught the Wilderness First Responder course with my dear friend, Tara. The class duration included my birthday, August 6th. It was a wonderful trip around the sun celebration. I’m enjoying teaching and learning from my dear friends. Helping others train to keep safe in the wilderness, know how to respond in case of an emergency, and prevention has fulfilled an intention within me to get people out, experience the nature around us.

My schooling track to becoming a Registered Herbalist is going GREAT. It’s intense, challenging; however, I’m learning so much! I’ve dabbled in the herbal world, in little spurts, throughout my years. I have previously rode the wave of inspiration, although brief, into projects/ideas that crashed leading me to other things. This time it feels different. I feel like this wave might last! Perhaps becoming an Herbalist, combined with my other intentions may just lead me to my life purpose. Truly, a well rounded, mindful HOLISTIC HEALER !

I’m so excited about this Herbalist path. I’m not quite sure where it will lead. My goal is to not set expectations, to follow along, riding the wave to wherever that leads. Right now, I want to do it all…Clinical Herbalist, post disaster first aid stations, pop up clinics to help underserved communities, medicine maker, create my own Apothecary, have a traveling Apothecary; wildcrafting from the different areas we travel to, grow my own medicine (a dream of living on a self sustainable farmette)… I have an open mind and will go where intuition leads.

I’ve made a sleep formula, that has proven to be very therapeutic for my perimenopausal insomnia. It’s a percolation, which is shown with the bottles and herbs presoaking in the bowl…it’s a process; however, so worth it in the end. I’ve also made cold/flu pastilles “pills” and cold/flu electuary using local raw honey from a dear friend, Amanda’s family farm. Making effective medicine and supporting friends. FOOD IS MEDICINE! Also I am making vinegar. The assignment is a building one. So I will use the vinegar to infuse with herbs we were sent. The school sends out boxes containing herb packets with all the herbs we’ll need to complete the projects. In the mycology intensive, one of the building projects is a fudge. The recipe contains lion’s mane and I’m hoping it turns out. I’m learning so much. As a RN, the Herbal Medicine for Professionals course teaches on the next level. Teaching pathophysiology of the herbs, the herbs different constituents, best way to extract the medicine, from which part of the plant, in order to get the medicine to the tissues in the body, promoting the results needed.

There is so much good medicine growing around us. Especially here in Pa. Nettles, and aster are the bottom 2 pics. I’ve been using “Picture This” and “Seek, i naturalist” apps to help me identify plants/herbs. I had a base knowledge of the good medicine growing around us. However, now my eyes are more open to acknowledging “seeing” other ones. Black walnut (Juglans nigra), Slippery elm (Ulmus rubra) also learning the botanical names is helpful. Really enjoying wildcrafting. Bee and I go out and about, while on our hikes/walks we challenge ourselves to identify 3 new herbs/plants each time. Also learning stewardship, how/when/where and how/when/where NOT to harvest from wildcrafting. Once I become more skilled at wildcrafting, I’m looking forward to making mindful medicine from the resources growing all around us.

I’m working on our Winter plan. I’m reaching out to the school, as the brick/mortar is in Texas. The San Antonio area. There is an outdoor kitchen, composting toilets, campground. Although the campground is primitive, that’s no plug in or water hook up, my hope is that Bee and I can boondock at the school. Should be warm enough for us in that area of Texas. Getting my clinical hours in their school clinic, maybe working in the Apothecary for income. The current Apothecary manager/chief medicine maker is also an RN. The school also has a pop up clinic at the Navajo nation reservation, I’m extremely drawn to helping with THAT! My thought is… because right now I’m so excited I want to do everything, that if this all aligns, it might shine a light on the path if I get to DO IT! I learn best by doing, getting my hands dirty and just doing it. I might not be able to do EVERYTHING right now, but trying the different aspects will give me a place to start and also a place to grow.

I’m so very GRATEFUL for everyone’s support. The Universe is helping us. Really looking forward to what the future holds…Standby and follow along wontcha…

Bee and I arrived in Michigan on June 3. We went directly to Traverse City in order to teach a Wilderness First Responder course. Then back to Shelby for Camp staff training and prep for campers to arrive.

Adventure Daringly: Bee and I have been daring to continue on our adventure since the death of our beloved Jannali. With the one year anniversary of her death, June 21, happening while we are at Camp Miniwanca; this is our first trip to camp without her. Filled with so many emotions, there are tears with reminders of her life with us. When I see something that sparks a memory, it usually involves her happiness. Her happiness filled my heart! I still cry everyday, missing my beloved BIG dog!

WE MISS HER EVERYDAY!

Spring has Sprung: as we live our lives, we stay observant of nature and the beauty around us. Nature is so amazing! How do caterpillars turn into butterflies anyway? It’s a complete transformation of being!

While at camp we were gifted by nature’s wonderful beauty. We saw this mama laying eggs:

We saw this beautiful turkey vulture sunning herself with a full wing spread, back to the morning sun…however when I ran to get my phone for a picture, she had put her wings down. The sign she is perched on says “at my very best”. Kinda looks like she’s pointing at the sign doesn’t it?

Serve Humbly: I was finishing up my CEC’s for my nursing license, reading Holistic and Integrative Nursing: Elements of Practice…

Since arriving at Camp, I’ve felt disconnected. I was so thirsty for the feeling of positivity, inspiration, rejuvenation, supportive community …all of these I’ve grown to rely on from my Camp Miniwanca experience. Except this year, Covid recovery camp was different.

…as I continued to read on, the Chapter of Consciousness and the Mechanism of Mindfulness came next. Delivering this message;

I honor and acknowledge mindfulness, and was able to allow this Camp experience to BE what it was meant to be. I was able to shift my perception, allowing time and space to grow/learn. Incorporating mindfulness into my meditation, it created space to reflect on my judgement of my expectations. Sometimes stepping away, honoring HONEST self reflection is the action needed for growth/enrichment.

Camp was only 1 session, 3 weeks long this year. Usually campers are here all Summer, several sessions over months. However, with a shortened camp, I was able to show Bee around where Mommy works every Summer. We are staying through for National Leadership Conference, however, the conference is on the Girls’ side of camp; leaving Boys’ side open to show Bee. We walked on all the trails and in all the nooks and cranny’s. She really enjoyed herself.

We found these on our walks…

…hawk feather, young deer skull…

Bee and I are heading back to Base Camp next week. For my Birthday, I get to teach a WFR course with my dear friend Tara.

In other self development news…I registered for Herbal Medicine for Professionals course. It’s a few semesters and intensives. I’m excited to increase my knowledge of herbal remedies, grow as a holistic healer, and learn more advanced medicine. Course begins the end of August. At the conclusion of this course, my goal is to create an herbal apothecary that can travel with us.

Blessings to all of you…We’re grateful for your support, caring, and following along with us. My hope is that by sharing my vulnerability/process/growth, those who read/follow along will find it a resource for their own self growth.

PEACE, LOVE, and HAPPINESS.

I realize it’s been a few months since my last post. Let me tell you about my process…

Bee and I arrived to our Winter Camp, in South Carolina, the first week in November. It’s our first trip without Jannali. Bee and I were able to go explore. Our first adventure was this great woodsy trail that crossed paths with this great open meadow. Bee had a wonderful time, zoomies/playing ball/sniffing around the woods. It was still quite warm, 78 and sunny.

I was working from home, as a legal nurse consultant, on a project that was originally projected to last until April. However, through no fault of our own, the project ended sooner. I was laid off just before Christmas.

I believe the Universe was helping us. Giving us the time/space to grieve. We “went to bed” for about a month. We Simmered in our sadness, crying most of the day, praying to Nali (telling her how much we miss her in our lives), and looked at videos/pics of our beautiful “Big Dog”. We marinated in our grief.

It’s been abnormally colder than it’s ever been here in SC. Figures, we came to stay warm for the Winter. If you remember, I suffer from seasonal depression. So the colder temps, I’m talking mid 20’s overnight cold, helped our process by adding the depression. Which in turn, allowed me to give myself permission to lay in bed and cry without judgement/disappointment. I was able to allow myself to feel the pain, allowing it to overwhelm me. I was paralyzed by my grief. The depression was the extra layer I needed to help me be gentle with myself…it’s the ability to focus solely on the sadness. I hope to get to a place where the memories of Nali bring me mostly
Joy/Happiness, instead of reminding me of the pain/grief of her absence. Her happiness/comfort ruled my life. Without her Bee and I are struggling to find Joy again. I’m still not there yet, but I’m feeling intentional about eventually getting there. As long as I give myself permission to simmer in my sadness.

I believe the grieving process is different for everyone. There is no time limit, there is no “right way”, there is no protocol/guideline to follow…as a nurse I know there are 5 stages to the grieving process.

The five stages of grief are:

1. denial.
2. anger.
3. bargaining.
4. depression.
5. acceptance.

I’ve accepted that Nali’s dead, however, I can’t get past the depression. So as you can see, it’s not always “in order” for everyone’s process. I also believe, it’s a lifelong process.

There is a saying I’ve been struggling with “would you have 5 years with the love of your life/soul mate, and not know it would only be 5 years together or not meet your love/soul mate at all”…I know it hurts so deeply because I loved her so deeply. She filled my heart. I will forever miss her! Just my coping becomes more manageable and I have more good days than bad. I believe one must give them self permission to grieve their own process/way. As long as nobody’s getting hurt or neglected, we should all allow ourselves to grieve. It’s not helpful to be told what they should be doing, how they should be processing, or what they need to get on the other side of the pain/grief.

After a little over a month in bed, I started to feel as if we needed to change our vibration. I had cleansing cries that made room for a change. Bee and I got a puppy.

Bee and I drove to Missouri to pick her up.

Jemma is a Catahoula. These are her parents…

This is her Dad, Luke.

This is her Mom, Timber. As you can see, she’s going to look just like her mama.

At first I thought I wanted a merle/leopard with blue eyes, because of Nali’s markings/eyes. Timber didn’t have any leopards with Jemma’s litter. After talking with a friend/therapist, I realized it was probably good that I didn’t get a leopard with blue eyes, as I would be unfair. Comparing the puppy to Nali not allowing the puppy to become her own self, develop her own personality. She still has piercing eyes, just not blue.

There were only 2 puppies left and they were both female. Jemma isn’t the puppy I thought I was interested in when looking at the pictures. However, when Bee and I went to meet them, see which puppy we had a connection with, Jemma picked us. She followed me around/kept coming up to me/ tugging on my braid/Bee kept “Humping” her…the other puppy was very aloof, didn’t come up to me at all/seemed to only care about chasing the cats on the farm…I was hesitant as I saw Jemma’s HIGH ENERGY and almost left without bringing home either one. I bent down and asked Jemma, “is it you? are you the one I need?” (with tears coming to my eyes) she tugged on my braid and that was it, it was her.

Jemma Joy has certainly changed the vibration around here. Bee has “come back to life”, doing zoomies all over the yard, playing with the ball, and wrestling with the puppy. Jemma gives me a reason to get out of bed everyday. However, all is not easy. I was so blessed to have Nali, she was such an easy puppy and Bee was easy because I had Nali to help. Jemma is very challenging! I’ve raised some stubborn dogs, including a stubborn Siberian Husky. Jemma is the most challenging Bull-headed puppy I’ve ever raised.

She’s been with us for about 2 weeks now. I thought I was open-mined/open-hearted, ready for a puppy. She’s been so challenging that I’m still questioning whether she’s a good fit for our lifestyle. She’s WILD. Bouncing off the walls of the camper. She’s HIGH ENERGY! I’ve been given to time/space to give her every opportunity/chance for success. Resources for training tips, and techniques that are working. She can sit/down/paw/walk well on a leash, she’s only 3 months old. She follows me around with great recall. Once she has all her shots and we can go out on the trails, I believe that will change everything. Just getting there is when I question my own readiness. I’ve thought, I can’t handle this challenge/I’m not up for this challenge…With the support of friends we’re going to try and getting over the learning curve hump to see if Jemma Joy is Indeed a good fit for us, or if she needs to live on a farm/ranch where she can live outside fulltime. I’m committed to doing everything I can to give her the best life that is most well suited for her. I hope it’s with us.

I’m so very grateful for everyone’s support during our grieving process…for everyone’s support in helping Bee and me overcome our challenges, coming out on the other side with a new vibration and valued new companion in Jemma Joy!

Such Beautiful, Radiant, colors!

It’s been a while since my last post. I’ve had some followers check in with me, I’m grateful for all the love and support of my friends and family.

It’s hard to know where to start…

I’ll start with my spiritual enrichment…

I’m about 4 months into my Kundalini study and it’s so enlightening. Learning how to reawaken the energy within and manage it is powerful. Shakti means POWER!

I’m appreciating my Guru and his teachings of a well rounded spirituality. His encouragement to take this study and incorporate it in to our own individual spirituality. Make it our own experience and trust our intuition. I honor and acknowledge my spiritual connection to my Shaman study/Native American beliefs/Animal Medicine…incorporating the POWER that my current Kundalini study awakens, enriches my spirituality. Gives me a depth of understanding the connection between the physical aspects, translating those physical feelings and applying the spiritual meaning behind the physical feeling…In other words, I don’t expect to be a Hindu after my Kundalini course is over. The study has taught me how to meditate as I couldn’t before, how to visually recognize my “third eye”, when you combine rhythmic breathing/chanting/specific muscle tightening, how to put meaning behind the feeling you get. I’m currently practicing a 30 minute morning routine, 44 day challenge, and it’s helping me feel happiness in my broken heart…

It’s been 4 months since Nali’s transition. My heart will forever miss her, always feel as if a piece of it is missing. However, with my pursuit of managing my grief/pain, I’ve turned to my spirituality. As most of us do in times of sorrow/deep despair. Kundalini awakening is offering me power, another “tool” in order to navigate process. To empower me to feel happiness/peace in my heart that remains. I truly believe in honoring/acknowledging both the Bliss and Devastation. The Blessing of Contrast, has helped me navigate my process…Given me a sense of peace.

I’m feeling so Blessed to be at Base Camp. There are bunnies, bats, birds, bees, butterflies…the wildlife here seems to have increased. Fox, Deer, Turkey, Pheasant, Owls…a Red-Tailed Hawk that flies over everyday. Turkey Vultures, Black Vultures, squirrels, chipmunks, Turtles, Frogs…The Glorious/Incredible Autumn colors surround us. The mild, long lasting Fall Season has surrounded Bee and me. Giving us an environmental HUG. Giving us a chance to just enjoy, sit outside, appreciate NATURE and enjoy our favorite time of year without stress/anxiety. A Safe Place to Just Be at Peace.

Did You Know…Cardinals don’t migrate. They mate for life and tend to stay close to home throughout the year…some cultures believe that “angels are near” when a Cardinal presents in your life. The Cardinal is a reminder that we always have the opportunity to realize our purpose in life, wisdom to create new ways to love our life and show gratitude. Remind us of the inner beauty to come forth during the challenging times. Representing the intuitive and inventive nature that we may otherwise overlook…Paralleling the Hummingbird. (Did you read my blog post, Honoring Hummingbird, I wrote in Aug last year?)

We have 2 couples of Cardinals that call Base Camp “Home”…

What do you consider to be “Success in your life?”…What intention are you putting behind your path to get there…Is there even a “destination?”…is it an ongoing journey to pursue…Existential questions to ask yourself.

As the colder air, Winter freeze approaches Pennsylvania, its time for me and Bee to migrate South. The UNIVERSE has pointed us to South Carolina. I made some calls today. Hoping for a safe place to land, for a bit. I hope to know more this week.

We are going to be in Pa through our favorite month of October, favorite celebration of Halloween, BTW there is a Blue Moon on Halloween…(remember, Jannali means “Full Moon, in the place of the Moon”) with the veil between worlds thinner, Blue Moon, and awakening…My intuition guides me to be patient and follow the Magic!

Blessings to you ALL, to FOLLOW YOUR MAGIC! Pay attention to the nature that surrounds us, they are signs/symbols of the MAGIC!

I start by acknowledging and honoring everyone who has supported Bee and me.

This is when Bee first entered our lives. The girls bonded immediately.
This was the start of what would prove to be a bond that would last a lifetime.

Since the transition of Jannali, Bee and I have been attempting to navigate through the pain/grief.  We live in a constant state of sorrow, with moments of strength, and times of deep despair sprinkled in.

In moments of strength, I try to focus on healthy ways to move forward.

My Birthday was August 6…there was an astrological event surrounding August 8.  The Lionsgate Portal.  This Portal is surrounded by a lot of mystery.  I resonated around this mystic energy, as a Leo.  The astrological side…the Sun is moving into the sign Leo.  Peak of Leo season.  The other side of the astrology is Sirius rising.  Many ancient cultures revered this time.  The Mayans, Egyptians, and Babylonians just to name a few.  In Egyptian culture because the rising of Sirius coincided with the rains/wet season/flooding of the Nile which led to time of abundance.  The Great Sphinx was built facing the rising of Sirius and positioned in relation to the Sun in Leo.  Very intentional.  In a mystical way…Sirius rising is a gateway to the heavens, our “Spiritual Sun”.  Helping us to advance our consciousness.  Shining a light on our authentic self.  The numerology side…8/8. If you turn the number 8 on it’s side, it is the sign of infinity.  It is also related to DNA.  Chromosome 8 spans about 145 million base pairs, the building material of DNA.  About 8% of its genes are involved in brain development and function, therefore, it helps us to absorb the energy offered to our DNA.  Setting intention is important to ritual.  This energy helps us to open our heart Chakra, connect with loved one’s who have transitioned, opening of the third eye…tuning in and connecting.

I have started a new path of studying Kundalini.  I’ve embarked on a 6 month journey of awakening my energy channels within, along with psychic centers or Chakras.  It’s a practice of yoga using chanting/sound/vibration to awaken the dormant energy at the base of our spine.  It’s been so wonderful.  The course started on July 28th.  I didn’t think I was prepared to make this commitment nor would my finances support it.  However, I was really drawn to my teacher, Raja Choudhury.  I thought maybe next year…The course kept crossing my path with emails of last chances to sign up.  Alas, I knew I couldn’t afford it.  Then I got an email sts scholarships are still available for this course.  I wasn’t aware that scholarships were offered for this course.  I began to think, Perhaps this is a sign from the Universe.  As I struggle with my grieving process, perhaps this is just what I need to commit to in order to heal and move forward.  I applied and was awarded the scholarship!  I joined the course in the third class.  Classes are every Tuesday, except for a few weeks off.  This coming week is one of those weeks off.  Again, I think the Universe is helping me as I can use this week to catch up to the rest of the class in time for next Tuesday.  I’m so Grateful and feeling positive about this new journey.

I’ve started back to exercising daily with multiple activities.  Riding my elliptical (I confess there was a time I was “addicted” to riding it), working on my Pilates chair, resistance bands, stretching, trampoline, weighted hula hoop, and jump-rope…it does feel good to get back to it all.  It also helps that Lauren is doing it with me.  We encourage/support each other.  Setting us both up for success.

Bee and I are going on more outings.  Doing “something fun” everyday like we used to with Nali.  Bee is making visible strides in overcoming her sadness.  She is not a “solo” girl.  She relied so much on the “Big Dog” for confidence and support.  Poor Bee finds it hard to be the first to lead the team down the stairs when we all go to workout.  She still struggles, but with everyday I can notice her moments of strength becoming more frequent.

It’s the times of deep despair that weigh so heavily on us both.  Times that I find it hard to get out of bed.  We just snuggle and I cry all day.  I hope that I can get to the place where memories always take me to a happy place.  Sometimes the memories just break my heart.  Nali filled my heart and her happiness ruled my life.  I miss her so deeply. Sometimes thinking of her absence is fuel for despair…my intention is with my new path, memories will fuel that “wholeness” my heart so desperately needs to feel again.  Until then, I will be gentle with myself, allowing the process, crying and cleansing, making the space for my Kundalini to awaken and flow.

…SENDING MANY BLESSINGS OF GRATITUDE TO FRIENDS/FAMILY/SUPPORTERS …

Bee and I don’t have the strength without you all…Thank You!

Summer Solstice 2020 also brings added magic with a Solar Eclipse and New Moon.  During the Solar Eclipse, some tribes believe the veil between this world and other worlds is thinner and the spirits of nature are more active and willing to make themselves known.  Hence the building of Stonehedge to track the Sun and honor the power it has.  During the Summer Solstice the sun is at it’s strongest and most powerful.  As a Leo, the Sun is my “planet”.  I know that the sun is technically a star, however all astrological signs have a “ruling planet” and Leo is assigned the Sun.  Nature is always sending us signs, teaching/supporting us.  During Summer Solstice there is more energy to guide/support us.  As a Leo, I especially feel the energy.  I needed the support on this day…

“Are you ready for a revolutionary new chapter? The summer solstice on June 20 — the longest day of the year in the Northern hemisphere — not only marks the beginning of a brand new season, but also a time when Mother Nature inspires you to tap into the divine light existing within you. The following day — Sunday, June 21 — a new moon solar eclipse will activate zero degrees of emotionally driven Cancer, and this supercharged astrological phenomenon will catapult you towards a whole new timeline, both on a personal and universal level.  This naturally emphasizes the essence of Cancer — the moon’s dark shadow serves as a representation of the universal rebirth about to take place… Ruled by the ever-changing moon, Cancer is symbolic of the home, family, inner foundation, and emotional reality…”   (elitedaily.com)

A new beginning as I “tap into the devine light…within me”, recognizing the power/strength I have.  Through extreme hardships come the most valuable outcomes.

The elemental relationship between Leo and Cancer is Fire and Water…as all astrological signs are also assigned an element.  The four elements are Fire (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius), Air (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius), Earth (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn), Water (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces).  Each element having certain traits, however, as all elements make up the natural world, they are dependant on each other.  Balance and relationship between Fire and Water can lead to extinguished fire (energy) and scalded water (emotions) therefore, I needed the extra energy to help me navigate the emotions on this day…

In Nursing school, I wrote multiple papers on euthanasia.  It means “good death”…

My beautiful Big Dog, Jannali, was euthanized on Summer Solstice ( Saturday 6/20/2020).

She was responding well to the cancer treatment, at first, however the Osteosarcoma was aggressive and spread to her lungs.  It also spread to her Lymph system traveling down her “bad leg” creating swelling/pain. It was ruthless and spread quickly.  It was affecting her quality of life, creating pain, and she was not able to do the things she wanted to, her body wouldn’t let her. Friday, we played, ripped up stuffed animals, ate all the good things, and had the best last full day all together with Lauren and the team.

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.  I scheduled her euthanasia on this magical day as I knew I don’t have the strength…I scheduled an “at home” transition.  Lap of Love, was most compassionate.

Being outside was one of Nali’s addictions, enjoying nature.  Lauren, and I sat with her, in the grass, while Dr Nikki administered the meds.  We surrounded Nali with so much LOVE and LIGHT.  As the final medication was given, we sang her “puppy song” You are my sunshine…I’ve been singing this song to her since she was a puppy. The day started out cloudy and appeared as if it might rain.  At the moment of her transition across rainbow bridge, the clouds parted, the Sun came out making way for blue sky.  The rest of the team waited to say their final goodbye in the house until it was a good time for them.  When the Sun showed Nali a special journey, Bee cried out.  Revy, the Husky, was howling/barking along with a few from Levi, the Pomsky.  It was intentional, magical, and peaceful.  We lived the best life and she deserved a good death.  When it was time, we brought the rest of the team down in the yard to surround her with their love and light.  We told Nali if she wants to come back to us, we will look for her in a puppy.  “Auntie and I will find you”…”Bee will find you”…”the team will find you”

Bee and I are doing ok…Last night was so hard! Our first night without her.  I felt moments of strength sprinkled in severe sorrow.  Struggling, and boo hoo crying most of the evening until the exhaustion of such an emotional day took over.  I just miss her so much already!

I sincerely want to honor and acknowledge everyone who contacted me with support, kind words, Blessings, Love, Light, strength…Bee and I feel the Love and it is helpful.  Thank You!

I will continue to blog and “Nali’s Adventures” will continue…